Mad Night at the Mysterious Mansion
by Game2002
Summary: 5 Smashers decided to stay in a mysterious mansion for the night, but little do they know that a maniacal killer resides there. Will the Smashers get killed, or will it be the other way round? Or none of the above? A parody on horror/slasher films.
1. The Hitchhiker

I never liked horror movies because I have a weak heart, but that never stopped me from being curious about what their plots are. After all, reading them won't be any scarier than seeing them.

Anyway, murder stories about the Smashers getting trapped in a mansion and getting killed off one by one seem to be very common in this SSB section. You can basically find over 50 of them and all are basically clones of each other. I never read through them, but rather skimmed through them just to see how similar they are.

As you know, these stories all tend to be very clichéd, and since I tend to avoid clichés, I'm going to do the same with this story. In fact, this story doesn't even deserved to be in the horror genre at all; it's pretty much going to be a humorous story just for laughs. Therefore, you do not have to take this story seriously. I came up with this in a matter of minutes, so it probably won't be very grand or something.

By the way, this story is not canon, so it has no relation to my other stories at all.

* * *

SUPER SMASH BROS.

MAD NIGHT AT THE MYSTERIOUS MANSION

**Chapter 1: The Hitchhiker**

* * *

It was a full moon night on the desert streets of Texas, and we see a van driving across the street. Aboard the van are the five protagonist Smashers of the story—Captain Falcon, Wario, Samus, Luigi, and ROB.

"It's getting late," Samus said. "Maybe we should find a place and rest for the night."

"You though it as good as mine," CF told her. "But we can't find any hotels to stay for the night."

"There's got to be some here. You can't expect the government to not build any hotels for people out here to stay for the night?"

"Even if they built one, you can't expect to find one everywhere you go," Luigi said.

"Don't worry; we still have a lot of gas," CF told them. "It's enough to take us to the next town, which I don't know how far it will take to reach."

"If we drive down this road, we should be there within three hours," ROB said.

"That doesn't sound too bad. What time is it now anyway?"

"11:37 approximately."

Wario was leaning next to the car window, looking very bored and digging his nose. He then saw someone standing on the side of the road waving to them. "There's someone there."

The van stopped next to the van, and CF stuck his head out and asked, "What is it, sir?"

The man looked rather ugly and his clothes are in rags, and he said, "Would you mind taking me to the closest town?"

"We're on our way there too! Come up and have a ride!" CF said.

"Thanks." And the man stepped into their van and took the back seat next to Luigi.

Luigi looked at the man from head and toe and thought to himself, "I don't like the look of this guy."

"Let's move out again," CF said, and he stepped on the gas pedal.

As they were driving through the road, CF chatted with the man, "So what are you doing here in the desert in late night?"

"Just taking a walk. That's all, really," the man said.

"Must be one heck of a walk, eh?"

"Yeah, you can say that."

"You must be a poor hobo," Wario commented after looking at his clothes.

"That's not a nice thing to say," Luigi said, though he was actually thinking, "I couldn't agree any better…"

"Yeah, my family isn't the richest folk in the place. We work as butchers, and job really isn't all that good like you think," the man said.

"You mean you chop up cows and pigs for living?" CF asked while keeping his eye on the road. "So how's job?"

"Business may not be splendid, but I do enjoy my job a lot. I just love the cries and squeals of those animals when you bash them in their heads and chop them into pieces!"

"I don't see how enjoyable that can be…" Luigi said, sounding disgusted.

"Every people have their own interests, I think…" Samus said.

"I even have pictures. You want to see them?" the man asked while reaching into his pocket.

Thinking that he's going to take out disgusting pictures of dead animals, Luigi wanted to say no, but then the pictures came up in front of his face. Luckily, they were normal pictures of workers posing together at the workplace. "Nice pictures…" he commented.

"By the way, I have a camera with me. You want a picture?" the man asked, taking out his camera.

"That's nice of you for asking, but I don't think it's necessary…"

"Don't be so shy. I'm sure this will leave behind a good memory for us!" Then the man snapped a picture of Luigi before he could make a face or pose or something; though Wario did give a piece sign over his head. The picture came out instantly afterwards and the man gave it to Luigi. "How is it?"

Luigi looked at the picture and said, "Not bad…"

"By the way, this isn't for free. Pay up, buddy," the man said, reaching out his hand.

"What? I thought you wanted to take a picture for fun."

"Hey, I'm in short cash here. Do you expect me to go around in life without earning some payments?"

"Unfortunately, we just ran out of money," ROB told the man.

"Yeah, Wario wasted too much on the burritos," Samus said.

"And don't tell me you didn't waste your money at the dress store!" Wario said to her.

"It can't be helped that this van we rented is pretty expensive too," CF said.

"So you don't have money, eh?" the man said, sounding disappointed. "Well…" He reached into his pocket and slowly pulled out a knife handle.

Right at this moment, CF noticed a button next to the steering wheel and said, "Hey, how come I didn't notice this button until now? I wonder what it does." And he pressed the button.

The man was about to pull out the knife and threaten them when suddenly the roof opened and the seat he was on ejected and sent him flying high into the night sky. "AAAAAYEEEEEEE!!"

"Oh, so that's what it does," CF said, looking up.

Wario, Luigi, and ROB watched the man as he landed way over the horizon, and Wario said, "That's got to hurt."

"Did I just mistreat that hitchhiker?" CF asked.

"Looks like it," Samus said.

"He is launched way too far into the distance and it also is not in the direction we are supposed to go," ROB said.

"Aye, too bad for him… I wouldn't have pressed that button if I knew what it was in the first place," CF said. "Oh well, he'll just have to find a way to solve things himself now. Let's hope he finds civilization by himself."

-

After a bit of driving, the van came to a fork on the road, and there is a sign on the right fork that writes 'short cut'. "Which way do we go?" CF asked.

"The map does not say anything about the shortcut," ROB said while reading the map.

"Then let's take the actual road then," CF said, and he drove towards the left path.

After a while of driving, they saw large mansion just off the road, and Luigi said, "What's a mansion doing out here in the road?"

"Who cares?" Wario said.

Suddenly, the lights on the van turned off, and CF said, "Oh no… The car lights are broken! Now we're going to have a hard time seeing things in front of us!" And then the van hit a tree.

CRASH!!

"I knew it…"

The five Smashers stepped down from the van and CF inspected the damaged van and said, "It's really busted up from the crash. We may have to stay here overnight somehow."

"Will that mansion do?" Samus asked while pointing to the mansion, which they are actually in front of.

"That place gives me the creeps…" Luigi said while trembling a bit.

"As long as they have cozy beds, I'm happy," Wario said.

"Well, it can't be helped. Plus, staying inside that mansion will probably be safer than staying out here in the desert," CF said. "Let's go then."

And so they got their bags and headed for the mansion.

Unknown to them, someone was watching from the top floor of the mansion, and he was wearing a mask made of human skin. "Heheheh! Fresh meat tonight!" he said to himself.

* * *

TO BE CONTINUED

It looks pretty obvious that this story is based of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Now just sit and watch how I turn this into a comedy story!

* * *

GAME2002 TALK SHOW

Most horror movies tend to have clichés that are done to death. Here are some of the common ones:

There is always a blond girl that usually ends up dying.

Going upstairs is generally a bad idea, but someone will still go.

Taking a shortcut that is not written on the map is a bad idea, but people will still take it anyway.

Anyone who takes their clothes off is most guaranteed to die eventually.

Main characters are powerless over the killer.

The killer can always catch up even by walking.

Female characters will fall down and scream and not get up for any reason.

Cars never start at crucial times.

Colored people never survive.

People always looking for source of strange noises.

Idea of splitting up and going different paths, even though staying together is the best choice.


	2. The Killer

**Chapter 2: The Killer**

* * *

The 5 Smahsers entered the mansion, and inside of it was pretty dark and dirty. Furnitures are all old and dusty and there were cobwebs everywhere. CF reached for the switch on the wall but he couldn't find it. "Where's the light for this place?" he wondered, but then ROB's eyes lighted up like a flashlight. "Oh, thanks."

They huddled closely together and stepped into the darkness of the mansion and looked around for anything worth looking, and CF called out, "Is there anyone home?" He kept on calling out but there was no response at all. "Looks like nobody lives here."

"What do we do?" Luigi asked.

"If nobody lives here, we can just treat this as our house," Wario said.

As the group proceeded forward, Wario noticed a staircase and he went up it by himself while the others walked into the living room. Wario made his way to the top floor and looked across the dark hallway before him, and he noticed several doors on the sides of the hall. He walked up to one door and opened it and looked inside and saw a bedroom, and then he looked into another room and saw the same thing. "Good, the beds are all enough for us." After checking out this floor, he headed back to the staircase, and unknown to him, the man with the mask of human skin walked out from one of the rooms and set his eyes on him, and then he slowly approached Wario with a large knife in his hand.

"Heheheh! Let's start with something simple!" he thought to himself.

Wario went over to the ledge of the first step and shouted to the lower floor, "Hey guys! There are beds up here!" And while he was shouting, the killer got closer and closer to him with the knife lifted high in the sky.

"Die now, fat one!" he thought.

Wario then bent over and shouted even louder, "Hey guys! I said there are beds on this room!" When he bent over, his butt rammed into the killer and he fell back onto the floor roughly.

"Ow!"

And unfortunately for him, the floor was pretty weak, and when he fell on it, it broke apart and he fell down. "Yai!!"

CRAAAAASSSH!!

"Huh?" Wario turned around and saw the newly made hole behind him. "Pretty weak floors here… Good thing I wasn't standing on that part."

Then the others came up and Samus asked, "You called us?"

"Yeah, there are beds on this floor for us to stay for the night."

"Good, I'm dead tired from driving all day long, so I'm going to be sleeping first," CF said while yawning.

"By the way, watch out for this hole here."

-

No sooner after he said this, CF plopped onto the bed in one of the rooms and began snoozing shortly afterwards. "Let's settle down in one of the rooms then," Luigi said. "But I don't want to take a room all by myself. I'm not brave, you know."

"Falcon fights in his sleep, so you wouldn't want to share a room with him," Samus warned him.

"That's scary… Looks like I have no choice but to share the same room as Wario now…"

"You're talking like I'm going to eat you for the night," Wario said to him.

"No, it's just that your smell is strong enough to put a skunk to shame…"

-

A short while later…

"Time to turn in for the night," ROB said as he moved to one corner of the wall. "Activate sleep mode." And then the lights on his eyes turned off and he lowered his head slightly and stopped moving, and Luigi was in the same room as him, lying down on a bed a doing nothing.

"I'm bored…" Luigi thought. "Maybe I'll go take a walk out there for a while." And he got up and walked out of the room.

Shortly after he left, the killer came into the room and only saw ROB there, and he decided to start with ROB first. He smiled menacingly to himself as he got out a chainsaw and started it, and he approached the robot and sliced him into pieces.

BZZZZZZZT!!

Pieces of the robot collapsed onto the floor as the killer snickered to himself with delight. "One down already! This is too easy!" he thought, but then he heard footsteps approaching this place, and he quickly ran to the door and hid next to it to avoid getting seen, but the door opened and slammed into him. "Ooch!"

"Lalala!" Wario sang as he stepped wearing nothing but a towel around his body. He went over to his bag and bent down and began looking through it.

The killer came out from behind the door and rubbed his nose in pain, and then he lifted up his chainsaw and slowly walked up to Wario to ready to slice him into pieces. "Heheheh! I'm going to get you for making fun of me that time!" he thought.

As Wario was still searching through the bag while in a bent position, his towel that is wrapped around his body fell off.

Right at this moment, the killer gasped in huge horror as he just realized that he was looking at the most terrifying sight in the whole universe! His hair stood up tall and firm, his skin became pale like snow, his eyes widened in shock, and his mouth dropped to the floor. It was such a terrifying sight that if I described it to you, you will have nightmares for the rest of your life!

The killer covered his hands over his eyes and ran out of the room while screaming loudly, and as he ran across the hall, he accidentally fell into the hole that was made earlier.

CRAAAAASH!!

"Uh? Who screamed?" Wario asked while putting on the tower again.

Luigi came into the room and said, "It was me… I was freaked out by the sudden appearance of a spider…"

-

Shortly afterwards…

The killer walked back up the second floor while rubbing his back in pain. "Ow… Curse that pig…" Then an idea came to him. "I know! I'll ambush them from the bathroom!" And he ran over to the bathroom that was across the hallway.

But the moment he walked into the bathroom, he slipped on the slippery floor and fell into the bathtub so hard that he smashed a hole and fell through it!

CRAAAAAAASH!!

Samus came in shortly afterwards and was shocked at the sight of a hole in the tub. "How come there is a hole here?! Wario, did you do this?"

Wario came in and saw the hole and said, "I didn't do this! My method of bathing isn't that destructive!"

"How am I going to bath with such a hole in the tub?"

-

A short while passed again and the killer came back up to the second floor, only to walk onto the hole and…

CRAAAAAASH!!

He came back up again shortly afterwards while cursing under his breath, and he took notice of the hole this time and made it into the same room as Captain Falcon, who is sleeping peacefully. He got out his chainsaw and walked up to the bed and said quietly to himself, "Die in your sleep brutally! I'll begin by poking holes on you first!"

He put the chainsaw away for a while and got out a knife and raised it high over CF, and then he brought it down. But CF turned to the side just at the last moment and the knife missed and stabbed into the bed instead. The killer pulled the knife back up and tried to stab him again, but CF turned over again and the stab missed. The killer growled in frustration and tried to stab him over and over, but CF kept on turning over and managed to avoid every single stab.

Surely this is something that is impossible to happen in real life! Is he even sleeping?

"Dammit! Hold still, would you?!" the killer growled in frustration, and he tossed the knife aside and got out the chainsaw and activated it and slammed it down on top of CF. But CF turned over and fell off the bed and the chainsaw sliced down on the bed and missed him.

THUMP!

The killer jumped up and down in anger that his attacks kept on missing, and then he turned around and left the room. "I'll take out the others first and save him for the last!"

He went to the room that Wario, Luigi, and ROB were occupying, and in there, he saw Wario sleeping on the bed and ROB back in one piece. "What the?! I thought I chopped that robot in pieces already!" the killer thought. "How'd he put himself back together? Maybe his friends did it for him. I'll kill his friends then!" And he walked over to Wario to ready to kill him.

Wario suddenly let off a fart and the smell spread throughout the room at a fast rate, and the killer smelled it and fell down and gasped for air. "Gasp! Ack!"

"Time to put in for the night now," Luigi said, walking into the room with a candle in his hand, but then he smelled the fart. "Eew… What's the smell…?"

As you all know, farts and fire do not go together, and because the gas from the fart is still floating around in air when the candle came into play, the fire began to flicker and then it exploded.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAANG!!

The violent explosion blew Luigi out of the room, but the killer was blown right through the wall before him and he crashed back into the same room as Captain Falcon.

CRAAAAAAAASH!!

"Gaaaa… Why are all these happening to me…?" the killer grumbled to himself.

"So you have showed your face at last, Blood Falcon!" CF said loudly all of a sudden.

"Huh?" The killer looked at him and wondered who he was talking to, and to his surprise, CF suddenly stood up and walked up to him.

"You will not escape this time, Blood Falcon! Your time is up! Time for you to taste the punch!" CF said as he lifted up the killer by the neck.

"Ack! What are you doing?! Stop it!"

"Die, you insolent clone!" And he pulled back his fist. "Falcon…"

"Hey! Stop it!"

"PUNCH!!"

SMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!

The devastating punch sent the killer crashing through the wall and he flew all the way over the horizon while screaming all the way. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!"

The loud noise woke up all the other Smashers and they came into the room to see what happened. "What happened?!" Luigi gasped.

They saw CF standing in front of the hole on the wall, and CF lifted up his arms in triumph and said, "I did it! I defeated my archenemy Blood Falcon at long last!" And then he fell back onto the floor and continued snoring again.

"He just fought in his sleep," Samus said. "Now you know how scary it can be when that happens."

"Yeah…" muttered Luigi.

-

The next morning, the Smashers were all up and gathered at the outside of the mansion and ROB and CF were fixing the van.

"That was a great sleep yesterday!" Wario said, stretching his arms.

"I didn't sleep well because I didn't take a bath…" Samus said. "This is the first time I went through a night without a bath!"

"Okay, I think the van should be fixed up," CF said, closing the engine cover. "It should be enough to take us to the next town."

They packed their bags into the van and went inside, and CF started the engines and stepped on the gas pedal. The van gave off a loud sound, but didn't move at all. "C'mon! Get moving!"

Unknown to them, the hitchhiker from yesterday and the killer were seen walking in from over the horizon, and they both look beaten up. "That's there car!" the hitchhiker said. "They're getting away!"

The killer raised his chainsaw in anger and growled, "I'm going to get them this time! Nobody is going to stop me!" Then the two of them ran towards the van while letting out a war cry of sorts.

"Get moving!" CF said as he continued to step on the gas pedal.

"Is it working?" Samus asked.

"Almost… There!" Then the van began moving, but backwards…

The van moved backwards and crashed right into the two madmen and knocked them over.

CRAAAAASH!!

"YAI!!"

Then the van moved forward again and went back onto the street and drove towards the horizon. "Let's continue on our trip!" CF said.

As the van disappeared over the horizon, the two madmen jumped up and down in place while shouting at the top of their voices and throwing curses at the Smashers.

Then all of a sudden, the Great Fox fell down on top of them.

CRAAAAAAAAASH!!

Fox, who was at the cockpit of the Great Fox, looked at his map and said, "I don't think this is the Sahara Desert."

* * *

THE END

Again, this short story isn't serious, so the fact it's not well polished is probably on purpose. I'm not expecting too much from this either.


End file.
